Looking forward

I was asked what was it like being diagnosed with MS at the age of 21. I don’t remember spending much time thinking about it. Yet, always thinking about it. The uncertainty of MS is difficult to comprehend. It affects everyone differently and gives only vague non-committal answers to questions about what my future was going to look like. After a while I stopped asking. However I can say confidently that it had 3 clear affects on me. 1. I began doubting myself professionally which has lead to several changes in direction (and circles) as what I want to do, and what I feel like I can do are sometimes in conflict. 2. Having children was risking passing on the disease. Was it worth the risk for them? Answer: Yes – I’m hopeful in scientific progress. And 3. It has made me want to grasp all opportunities. This isn’t always wise, hence the chance in directions, but often interesting. More apparent, it leads to conflicts within our family eg. There is so much I want to do, places I want to go. Whilst I can. But the family (and me) also needs time to do nothing. This is a constant battle within myself, and a harsh reality check that not everything is possible. I’m trying to focus on enjoying the quiet times as much as the extraordinary times. I’m learning…