No hands challenges…!

Due to the fact that I have no hands I am keeping this post short and bullet pointed. [After note: turns out I failed on the ‘short’ part.] I had surgery on my right wrist 5 weeks ago and a steroid injection on my left wrist 3 weeks ago, so officially I’m not supposed to be using no hands for 4 more weeks. Really helpful. These are some thoughts of what has been happening:

• Hope – I really hope all this is worth it. I’ve had pain in my right wrist and arm for almost 5 years and for around 4 years in my left. This treatment is to fix the problem. I’ve waited until the children are old enough, in theory, to be not be so reliable on me for everything. But of course, that difficult line to draw.
• Regret – I waited too long. The injury just got worse and worse. Everything has been so restricted on what I can do. Not being able to rely on my wrist is that the spanner in the works when it comes to planning any future career. And yoga. To sit at the computer for hours has not been possible and I’ve been going in circles trying to find a different approach. Especially when it comes to writing…dictation is a skill I am practicing, but I still have huge room for improvement. I’ve been to so many physios and doctors and I regretted it took so long to find somebody he knew exactly what the problem was and how to fix it.
• Mistakes – because I’ve been stuck at home unable to do anything (turns out everything seems to require hands) I’ve eaten far too much chocolate. And not just little bits of chocolate, I was unable to break chocolate into pieces so I was just taking great big bites into chocolate bars. A sneaky pleasure in a grand scale of things, but now regretting it as Summer clothes are more revealing and less forgiving. I seem to have reverted to my ‘post-Christmas’ body whilst simultaneously putting my gym membership on hold, because, you know, you kid of need hands for that also!
• Life lessons – if you’re going to be lying in bed post operation for a few hours with a numb and heavy arm making movement without assistance challenging at the best of time, wear big pants. Just saying. Wedgie nightmare.
• Hilarity – so many moments have occurred where 2 hands would have been better than 1 or none. The first could possibly have been the best though. Just after surgery, when I was not accustomed to having a dead arm, and it was not yet strapped up, I was given a pair or old-school headphones in the hospital to listen to the TV. The kind that have a metal band that go over your head connecting the ear cushions. This metal band snaps the headphones together to keep them tidy when they are not in use. Trying to put this on took FOREVER and I was crying with laughter. I would put one ear cushion on and try and flip the band over my head, only it would spring off and hit me in the face. Repeatedly. I ended up watching tennis instead. No sound necessary.
• Warmth – I had so many offers of help and compassion. It was truly lovely. There is something about going through a period of struggle that reminds you just how loved you are. I hadn’t even made it back from hospital and a friend was already dropping off fruit and biscuits for me. Squeaks (multiple) birthday parties were also made possible through the generosity of others helping out with food etc. And then there was food for the freezer and acting as taxis for me and the boys to and fro form playdates. And of course, the welcome offers from people looking after the boys simple to give me a break.
• Taking a break – It turns out this was the hardest part. After the last few months of it being drilled into me that I had to take more breaks, I was suddenly propelled into a situation that I could literally only take a break as doing anything without hands is difficult. Obvious hey? I ended up retreating to watching a box set, otherwise I was just dwelling on everything I couldn’t do and that wasn’t nice for me or anyone else around me. Somewhat frustratingly, I have had so many projects on the go for so long and I have been waiting for some ‘spare time’ to do any. But now I am sitting looking at them, with some time available, but no hands. Irony is harsh.
• Fashion – There is nothing like turning up on the school run with one arm in plaster and a sling, and the other in a brace, wearing a sleeveless t-shirt as no-other will fit over your arm accessories, to make people gasp in awe/horror.
• Ingenuity – When it hurts to lift a glass, get a straw. Also, it turns out that a sling can double up as a handy place to carry pinecones in for Squeaks collection. And finally, when you aren’t allowed in the swimming pool on holiday due to risk of infection, sit and watch with a mojito. It’s not too bad.
• Patience – I am a highly-trained negotiator. I had no other option when it comes to the boys. But the key has been to take the time. We left for school at 7.55, walking as I couldn’t use the car or bike. Felix was on his balance bike and for some reason seems to think this gives him the ability to stop and look at every leaf/flower/bird/and-oh-my-goodness, it’s a snail!! What should have been a 10-minute walk, easily turned into a 35-minute walk, one way. Deep breaths!
• Love – That said, the boys have been wonderful. They are showing their own compassion and understanding and have given my arms plenty of kisses. I have been a backseat-mum over the last few weeks as I have been unable to do as much as I would have liked. I’m not very comfortable with this and am looking forward to being more active, but they have been great. Same goes for my lovely husband. We may not have the same expectations when it comes to cleaning, but he has taken on the mammoth task of being both parents temporarily. Respect to all those single parents out there. You are awesome.
• And then, Pride – I wanted to thank people, but I also wanted to thank myself. Is this possible to do without sounding so pretentious?  I’ve found it hard but I’ve tried to make the best of a crappy situation. I’ve also been forced to face up to my limitations, and had the time to think about what may come. None of this has been easy, but I’ve not shied away from it also. The boys have also taken it in their stride which has been wonderful to witness. And a little anecdote to demonstrate how impressed I am with myself (!): One of my concerns with having the surgery and my arm plastered for a few weeks, was that I need to be able to test my blood regularly and inject in different places. However, upon returning to my hospital ward after the op, I managed to both take my blood AND inject, just using my left hand (and a few sharp breaths). I was chuffed to pieces. Granted, I missed my usual subtlety and casualness and it took (what felt like) 100 times longer than normal, but I did it! Everything was going to be ok.

And finally, it’s been far from doom and gloom. We have done so much and had lots of fun, it’s just been different. I’m looking forward to being able to use both arms, but it’s also not terrible if someone else has to empty the dishwasher 😉  I wanted to write this as a record, not a sob story. The only sob-worthy element is the excessive chocolate = the not so summer friendly body!!

Little update: I’m now doing physio (again) for my right arm as it turns out my scar tissue hasn’t healed well and I now have tennis elbow. Not getting a huge break here, but with everything strapped up left right and centre, there is considerably less pain. Yeah!

I promise that a more interesting blog will follow. This one took far, far too long to complete. For reasons listed above…