School has started. The holidays are over! With it comes a mixture of emotions. Bubble is entering the second year so he is no longer the youngest in the school. But it still feels like he started only last week. It has been great to have him around over the summer, even with the almost daily arguments that comes with a nearly 5-year-old and newly, but ever-so stubborn 3-year old. We have had a blast and the boys gave grown and become even closer still. True partners in crime now.
I’m so proud of how Bubble has taken the school life in his stride and how he has created a secure friendship group. This will obviously change over time, but for now it feels good. Even if it does bring a whole host of new words and ‘I’m the winner/tallest/strongest etc.’ kind of language with it. School seems to be as much about learning things on the playground, as it is learning in the classroom. Meanwhile, Squeak is super excited to be going back to his peuterspeelzaal (pre-school) – 6 weeks away is too long for such a young child to comprehend. And I have my first child-free morning since…I have no idea…but it was a long time ago. I even, get this, went to the gym! Crazy days. Mind you, I came home and enjoyed the peace and quiet as I tucked into 4 chocolates sitting at an actual table, rather than sneaking behind a cupboard door shovelling stuff in my mouth quickly before I get spotted. Happy times.
However, there is also some concern as the summer holidays come to an end. I have found myself stepping into the role of a ‘school mum’ with trepidation. It is yet another hat to wear and another minefield to navigate. Granted, compared to other countries (warning: sweeping national stereotype) there is significantly less emphasis on clothing in the Netherlands. People seem to wear what they want and what is comfortable. That’s as complex as it gets and its refreshing. Point demonstrated: I went to school in my gym leggings. Summer ice-cream fat lumps and all. But there is still a subtle hierarchy on the playground, as befits most situations where people gather together: There are the newbies (totally me last year); the cool ones (not me obviously); the ones that know everything and everyone; the introverts that hide at the back; the parents that shove past to the front; the experienced that have been in the school for years already; and so forth. I used to teach kids after school so I have many years of experiencing the playground scenes, only now I’m in it for real. What I do matters. It can be daunting and scary, but ultimately, you are all there for the same reason. To collect your kid and take them home. It can be more, much more, but it can’t be less. And in that, we all have something common between us. At least I tell myself that when I’ glancing around, exchanging weak and understanding smiles with other parents.
Living abroad brings many wonderful things into my life. But there are also many extra stepping stones and complications that just wouldn’t exist back ‘at home’. I always saw myself as being someone that would be actively involved in the school, helping kids read, baking/tasting cakes and definitely organising a mum’s night out at Christmas. But now I find myself being a different school mum than I expected. I’m already known as the ‘English one’ by everyone, even those whom I have not yet spoken to, as if that is the main interesting thing about it. This brings pre-conceived notions of who I am and I know people who actively avoid speaking to me as they are scared – this is unnecessary of course as I can hold a pretty decent conversation in Dutch, including making crap jokes. Lucky them! Anyway, it can feel like I have hurdles to jump before I have even started. And this can be pretty exhausting. Don’t misunderstand me, there have been times that I have welcomed the chance to not engage with people. I have days when I am tired. I have days when I am concerned about my sugar levels, I have days when I just want to focus on Bubble coming out of school and keeping one eye on Squeak as he runs riot in the playground waiting for his big brother. But these days are few and far between and not how I envisioned the school experience as a parent (if I had stayed in England).
What I’m trying to say I guess, is that starting the school term is not only a milestone for the kids. It is a milestone for the family. Our lives are to be determined by the school calendar for the forthcoming 15+ (?) years and it sometimes feels a little throttling. Structure is good for everyone, but the days and weeks just whizz past at alarming speed when filled with routines.
School also brings the expectations of play-dates. I always thought I would love arranging these. I envisioned our house as being the central call point for children in the neighbourhood, with open doors and daily freshly baked muffins. Hahahaha! It’s nice to dream. As we live on a corner, and have a trampoline, I often find several of the neighbourhood kids in the garden and I line up cups of water outside. But with this also comes responsibility which also needs energy. This almost contradicts my earlier comments about wanting to be more engaged with school. Perhaps the real issue here isn’t the school or cultural differences, it’s about me trying to find my new and sustainable balance. For example, when Bubble plays elsewhere I feel a sense of obligation that I should return the favour. And I am very willing. Only now it also has to work for me and sometimes that can be difficult when Bubble is running out of school declaring that he has invited a friend over to play. I need to make sure I am not overstretching myself and that I conserve energy earlier in the day so I can accommodate shouldering the responsibility for other children. It means I am not the flexible, fun-loving parent I wanted to be, and it doesn’t always seem fair on my kids. In the past I have asked them to come inside to play, or watch something on TV if I need to sleep for 20 minutes. I have mixed feelings over this, but sometimes, needs must. That’s the way the boys accommodate my MS. With Paw Patrol.
And so, to wish you all good luck for this school year. For those returning or beginning anew in other schools. And especially to those for whom school is a new and exciting/scary thing. Don’t forget, learning through play is the best way. Or as Albert Einstein said, “Play is the highest form of research”. Unless you are toilet training your youngest. Then play and poo don’t mix so well. Over and out before the kids come home x
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